Why call this article or life story celebrating transgenderism? Well…life is a celebration and if you are Trans, then you have a double celebration. This not always true as to discover that one is transgendered causes many conflicts, as we are often taught that if you have the plumbing of a male/female then that is what you are and should not act, love the things of the opposite gender that you appear to be.
I relate to this as I can recall a time when I was told; “Boys do not play with dolls.” That was a long time ago and even then I thought; “Why not.” I played with both and enjoyed both. I had a doll or two, I just can not remember what they looked like and a Teddy Bear, which I still have. Growing up and knowing that you were different to other boys was traumatic and often caused me some depression. Kids at school picked up those feelings and even though I played the usual games I still had that I was different feeling.
One day my dear late Mother called me and asked me to do something special for her. I was requested to undress and put on a school dress that she was making for a cousin as she wanted to do the hem. We were the same age and size so with the usual protest which was half hearted given. There I was standing in this dress while the hem was measured and pinned up. I did this twice as there were two dresses. This was repeated till the job was completed and the dresses were passed on to my cousin. I love the way a dress sat on me and something came alive within me. I did not get to wear a dress for some time. Improvised a bit on and off.
The day came and Mother’s dresses and even her shoes fitted me …heaven.. That good feeling returned and when I could wear the correct clothes for my gender I did. This was only done behind the back of my parents. I was starting to understand things. This still left me with problems as I could not be who I was. Confusion still was boss. I did not even understand things such as Gay and crossdresser. No one at that time ever spoke about such things. A few articles in magazines and media were published but this was mostly on female impersonators. School was a battle ground as one had to put on a mask and in that was escape the “different” signals. This did not always work. Later I came to learn that my one boy cousin was gay and a got to find a little more out about being different. Army, call up and an apprenticeship, I made it and once again the “being different” signals were picked up. They seemed to sense that I was not gay but something else and no one seemed to know what that something else was. The only clue was that sexy girl in a James Bond movie. When that secret came out, something came together; was I like her? Still the struggle went on the conflict in my mind. As time went by I dressed when and when ever I could. No longer living at home and now married another piece of confusion. I am now finally at peace and the SO, supportive, things are improving and I have gone public. I understand where that pain came from and where I am heading. The confusion is all gone I am on my way to be who I really am, I will reach my final goal, I can not say. I now take each day as it comes, I am not young any more and so each day I can be myself is precious. I love my wife and don and we will work things out as we go on this journey together. I still enjoy a lot of boys stuff but also girls stuff so I live in both worlds. I wear only girl’s underwear and have been doing so for a number of years now. My hair is long, I my ears are pieced, my toenails are always painted.
This story is not unique, it is similar to many. The thing for one to do is find out why you are different and talk it out with someone who knows these things. Start early, a Psychologist who knows about transgendered things will help and start the journey, take each step slowly, but do not resist as that can lead to make decisions that you will regret for the rest of your life. If I know the things 20 to 30 years ago I will be living as who I really am inside. I would have transitioned and be the woman I am 24/7. Maybe I will still do that.
Stay true to your self… and others…
© Andrea and GDX